Blame it on the Sandman
by delirium-86
Summary: Goku get’s captured and it’s all Hakkai’s fault. Sanzo bullies Gojyo into accompanying him to go save Goku while Hakkai is sent to the temple to recover from the physical and mental wounds suffered during the assault. CHAPTER TWO UP!
1. Chapter 1: Honeymoon Suite!

**Blame it on the Sandman**

Summary: Goku get's captured and it's all Hakkai's fault. Sanzo bullies Gojyo into accompanying him to go save Goku while Hakkai is sent to the temple to recover from the physical and mental wounds suffered during the assault.

Disclaimer: Please do not insult me by actually being stupid enough to think that I own them or rather that I claim to own them. You know I don't, but wish I do.

Legend: Words in "quotation" are spoken and words that are _italicized_ are thoughts.

a/n: After a couple of requests, I have relented and decided to put my story into narrative format as opposed to the script format it was originally in. To me, it is no different but for your viewing and sensory pleasure, I present, the narrative format

**Chapter 1: Honeymoon Suite!**

The sun was blazing hot this afternoon, and to someone wearing the amount and density of clothing that the two riding the jeep were, it could be pure hell. The man in the on the driver's seat of the hunter green coloured jeep threw his head back and shot a contemptuous look at the sun as he dug deep in the pocket of his pants for his pack of cigarettes. The man sitting daintily at the backseat of the jeep was looking straight ahead, his eyes narrowed in a look of pain mixed with anger and resentment. Sweat beads poured down his face as he was fully clothed in the robes worn by monks.

"Dammit, how much longer is this going to take, Sanzo!" the man sitting at the back yells after he takes a long drag on his cigarette.

Sanzo ignores him as he continues to stare straight ahead, his eyes narrowing even more and his lips press themselves into a thin line of impatience.

Undaunted, the man in the driver's seat continues to yammer on and on,

"All this work, just to save your little goddamn monkey's ass…"

Sanzo cocks his gun the metal one and points it at him.

"One more word, kappa, and you die"

The driver rolls his eyes.

_If you kill me you lose your driver, damn monk_.

"Tch, I don't need you to drive, Gojyo. Watch it", said Sanzo, with a smirk on his face.

_I hate it when he reads my mind_

Sanzo continues to smirk at Gojyo, _This could be very amusing indeed_.

Gojyo turns to look at Sanzo, realizing that he has been reading his mind again.

"Stop it you damn monk!"

Sanzo snorts indifferently and turns back to staring at the open road.

For what seems to be hours, the pair drive on and on the long and dusty road. When suddenly a small speck becomes visible in the distance. Gojyo, noticing this, squints his eyes to get a better look and he realizes that it is the town they were looking for.

He taps Sanzo's shoulder incessantly,

"Sanzo! Sanzo! Oi Sanzo!"

Sanzo pops out from his dazed state and immediately reaches inside his robes and brings out his paper fan and begins to whack Gojyo on the head with great gusto.

"Stop touching me!"

Gojyo rubs his head furiously, debating in his mind whether to strangle the insufferable monk or to push him off the moving vehicle.

"Alright, alright! Dammit, there's a village over there!"

Sanzo merely stares at the middle of the road, unblinking.

"…to your left"

"I know where the hell it is!", said Sanzo as a vein pops out in his temple and throbs like mad.

By this time, Gojyo had had enough. He was sick and tired of that damnable monk, so he pulled to a stop in front of the inn, and stepped out.

"I'm off to get some smokes, see if you can get us a room"

Once inside the inn, Sanzo walks up to the lady in the front desk. She seems to be a young girl of about 20 or so and she smiles coyly at Sanzo. A smile he returns with a frown.

Undaunted, the girl proceeds to welcome him to the inn, "Helloooooo! Welcome to the Village Inn, how may I-"

"Two rooms, at least five paces apart. That is all", Sanzo cuts her impatiently, and turns to leave.

"Oh I'm sorry sir. We only have one room available right now", she says in a mock tone of one wanting so desperately to seem concerned.

Sanzo's vein starts to throb again, he walks over to her and says "Well can't you-"

"I'm back, blondie!" Gojyo bursts in the door looking as if he'd just had a good bath and a good long drag.

Sanzo speaks to him in a deadly low and calm voice

"There is only one room left"

Gojyo shrugs good naturedly and says,

"Ah well, enjoy the floor, Sanzo" and turns to leave.

Sanzo's eyes grow large with rage as he whips out his paper fan and begins whacking Gojyo continuously, not missing his target.

"**I **sleep in the room, and **you** sleep outside in the jeep!"

The girl widens her eyes at what she thinks is a brutal form of abuse. "Please sir, no need to worry yourself. The room we have available is quite large. It's our special honeymoon suite, I'm sure you and your mistress will find it most-"

Sanzo erupts "**HE IS NOT MY GIRL!**"

Gojyo looks at her utterly disgusted.

The girl is by now at her wits end.

"I'm s-sorry sir. B-but that's a-all we h-have…"

Gojyo then flashes her one of his patent grins and says "Whatever. We'll take it then"

Sanzo relents and mutters all the way up about "damnable kappas" and "sharing rooms with horny demons"

Inside the room, there is one large and spacious four poster bed.

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2: Bastard

**Blame it on the Sandman**

Summary: Goku gets captured and it's all Hakkai's fault. Sanzo bullies Gojyo into accompanying him to go save Goku while Hakkai is sent to the temple to recover from the physical and mental wounds suffered during the assault.

Disclaimer: I don't own it. I just play with it… sometimes… But I hear it's a normal and healthy activity… really.

Legend: Words in "quotation" are spoken words and words that are _italicized_ are thoughts.

**Chapter 2: Bastard**

Sanzo, still looking incredibly cross, walks towards the bed. Suddenly, Gojyo dashes past him and spreads himself on the bed, claiming the entire lot for his own.

"Mine! Mine! I called it first!" he says in a sing-song voice.

"You stupid jackass!" Sanzo growls as he gives Gojyo a violent shove off the bed and lays on the left side.

Gojyo lays on the floor, rubbing his arse.

_Hmph! Someone obviously needs a fucking nap!_

Sanzo, without turning his head towards Gojyo (who is now laying on the opposite side of the bed, facing the ceiling and smoking a fag) says,

"Listen and listen well you damn kappa. I have been suffering your goddamn presence for over three days now. I didn't ask for your help. I don't need your help. So if you need to run off to some fucking whorehouse, go do so and leave me the hell alone."

Gojyo sits up and gives Sanzo a stunned look. He gets off the bed and silently leaves the room.

"Bastard"

And with that, Sanzo closes his eyes, falls asleep, and begins to dream.

The night is dark and cool. Off in the distance, a man sits on a large stone settled on a cliff overlooking the sea. His face is illuminated by the moonlight, his expression blank as he stares out onto the horizon. The wind tousles his golden locks as it passes by. Behind him stands a youth, with his untamed chestnut locks waving wildly about his face. He is silent and unmoving, his breath a constant rhythm.

The man with the golden locks closes his eyes, inhales a breath of the salty air and says,

"I know you're there Goku. I can hear you breathe."

The youth named Goku breaks into a radiant smile and hurriedly sits down on the patch of grass next to the rock where the golden-haired man sits. He looks up at him and says,

"Oy, what are you doing Sanzo? It's awfully late at night and you're always disappearing on us. I asked Hakkai to tell me but he said his lips were sealed, but I looked and they weren't."

Sanzo finally turns to him and rolls his eyes.

"I'm here because I can't stand one more minute of hearing that damn kappa going about his business."

Goku raises a hand and scratches his head.

"What do you mean 'going about his business?' does Gojyo poop too loudly?"

The vein in Sanzo's temple starts to throb violently. His right hand's fingers start to twitch and for a moment, he looks as if he is about to grab his fan to whack the youth. But he does not. He puts a finger to his temple and gives it a rub, hopefully to calm his nerves.

"If you actually paid attention you'd know that for the past two months, Gojyo has been fucking Hakkai's brains out. That's why breakfast is always so fucking late, that's why I can't fucking sleep, and that's why there's always a fucking tell-tale scent lingering everywhere we stay!"

There is a moment of silence as Sanzo breathes deeply to calm himself down and Goku tries to absorb what he has just heard.

After what seems like hours, he slowly looks up to Sanzo and says,

"I didn't know Gojyo could fuck Hakkai… Maybe that's why they're always so happy. Gojyo's been so happy, he hasn't picked on me in ages."

Sanzo says nothing.

"Maybe… maybe you'd be less grumpy if you were fucking someone."

In a flash, Sanzo whips out his sturdy paper fan and starts whacking Goku repeatedly on the head, never missing his target.

"Baka saru! What the hell do you know about my fucking habits!"

As Sanzo stops his whacking, Goku shakes the cobwebs out of his head. He breaks out into a mischievous smile.

"Oh Sanzo. I knew it! We need to find you someone to fuck, and in no time you'll be as happy as Gojyo, Hakkai, and I"

Sanzo grinds his teeth, but soon accepts the bait. He lets out an exasperated sigh.

"How the hell are you included in the happy fucktard gang? Don't tell me your fucking someone."

Goku's mouth turns into a sly grin and a twinkle appears in his eye.

"Not yet" he says as he stands up, turns on his heel, and makes to walk away.

Sanzo raises himself from the rock he's sitting on and grabs the youth by his arm to stop him.

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

Goku turns slowly towards Sanzo and he stands on his toes to reach the meet the man's height. His heart beats wildly, and his eyes search those violet orbs. Just as he is about to give up, he finds what he needs to see. He tilts his head and lets his lips brush across Sanzo's.

Sanzo's eyes are wide open in shock as he feels the youth's soft lips upon his own. His mind tells him he should push him away, and hope he falls off the cliff. But his body won't listen. He brings his hand to the youth's waist, the other, on the youth's head. He slowly guides Goku's body closer his. He slowly brings out his tongue and runs it on the youth's lower lip, teasing and asking for entrance.

Goku lets out a slight gasp at this new sensation and opens his mouth slightly. He can feel Sanzo's tongue enter his mouth and collide with his own. He is swept up in the moment and he realizes, he likes it.

Sanzo tangles his fingers in Goku's chestnut locks and moans slightly-

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO ME YOU PERVERTED ARSEHOLE!"

Gojyo screams at the top of his lungs and jumps off the bed.

Sanzo wakes up on the bed and looks around, he is disoriented.

Gojyo stands over the bed and grabs a pillow and starts whomping Sanzo as he screams,

"Fucking fucker! I knew you were a goddamn pervert! I knew you've had it in for me since the start! YUCK! You arsehole! I'll have to fucking wash my mouth with acid to get rid of you!"

Sanzo jumps off the bed to dodge Gojyo's blows. He shakes his head and in a moment of clarity, he remembers his dream...

_Goku… The cliff at the seaside… That kiss… _"Oh fuck"

"Oh fuck indeed! I should have you shot for molesting me in my sleep you fuck!"

Sanzo is speechless… _I just tongued the kappa. FUCK!_

Gojyo realizes Sanzo's off in his own world again, so he turns on his heel and strops off to the loo, locks the door, and starts gargling.

Sanzo sits at the edge of the bed, his face buried in his hands.

"Goku… where the fuck are you?" he says to the empty room.


End file.
